Hineini - Location and the Holidays (Jewish Thoughts)

For our liturgy lecture, we were asked to reflect upon the chagim, the holidays, and to reflect upon any new and/or meaningful prayer related experiences we encountered during this period. Here is my reflection, edited only slightly to make sense in blog form:

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הנני - Here I am.

Now that the chagim are over, there are a lot of prayer experiences that I want to reflect upon, but I think that "location" is the aspect that really stands out to me. The obvious thing that draws my attention when I think of location and this Year in Israel is the Israel part, which is obviously a new and unique location for me. I can stand and pray in Israel! It's exciting! Yet when I think about it, I realize that location means much more than simply being present in Israel. There were many other factors related to location that have affected my prayer experience over the chagim.

Many of these factors were related to my location in Israel, but go beyond the simple fact that I was physically present in Eretz Yisrael. One of my favorite parts of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, for example, was morning and afternoon services on Yom Kippur, which I attended at HUC, held at the Beit  Shmuel--a result of being in Israel. Location meant many things here. First, it meant that, because of the ballroom's location, we overlooked the Old City of Jerusalem which inspired deeper connections to some of the liturgy. For example, I normally tend to think about ancestors and a connection to history when I pray the avot during the amidah, and on Yom Kippur I found myself thinking even more about my connection to history while staring at the Old City--ranging from "Wow, I can't believe our ancient kings ruled here" to "Thirty-nine years ago was the Yom Kippur War..." Gazing at the Old City let me really consider how lucky I am to be here; after all, when will I have this opportunity again? The Old City is one of my favorite parts of Jerusalem, and in the High Holiday spirit of looking at our past so we can change our future, viewing it reminded me that I need to start taking advantage of this year and explore Israel more (both in the Old City and beyond).

View from Beit Shmuel

Praying at the location of Beit Shmuel had another meaning for me. This was the first time that I really felt a spiritual connection to Yom Kippur because of my fasting. I cannot describe it well at all; words fail me, but I will try. I had always questioned one of the premises for fasting on Yom Kippur, that by neglecting your body, you can ignore the physical and focus on the spiritual. I tend to spend more time thinking about my body when I'm hungry--after all, your brain is connected to your stomach, which is shouting "FEED ME!" But this year I didn't quite feel that (at least all the time). There were times when because I felt physically empty, I realized how spiritually full I was. Yes, the hunger made me think about my body, but then I thought about how much more there was than that. I'm not saying I loved the feeling or had some great epiphany, but I definitely felt something more. I could especially feel this during the vidui, the confession of sin, and during the High Holiday staples such as Avinu Malkeinu (Our Father, Our King). I could connect more to the spirituality of the holiday when I felt as though my spirit was in this enlightened state.

However, location has its downsides as well, even at HUC. Being in a different location can mean new and exciting things, but it can also be a reminder of the fact that you're not home--and for me, as much as I love Israel, it is still not "home" (maybe a second home, but not real home). The melodies of the prayers used by HUC were often familiar--but they were also often not, which was frustrating and reminded me that I am not home. Sometimes they were very close to my home melodies--but not exactly the same, which was sometimes even more infuriating and reminded me of what I am missing so much more so.

Yet along with this idea--that leaving an old location means leaving behind those you love--comes the idea that going to a new location means meeting new people with whom you can begin new relationships. Spending my chagim in Israel definitely reflects this. Enjoying my holidays with people who are just as into Judaism as I am gives them a whole new meaning, where we can discuss and debate the texts, the prayers, the meanings, and the experiences with new light and an enthusiasm I am not used to. I would not be able to experience this in another location--where else can you find such a strong center for Reform Judaism that is also immersed within a greater culture of Judaism?

One final idea on this idea of location relates to the fact that I did not spend the entire chagim in Israel. In fact, I spent all of Sukkot abroad (first in Barcelona and then in Paris). I debated doing this because of the fact that I would be missing Sukkot in Israel, a unique opportunity. Yet I also wanted to travel, and I had hoped to find a sukkah in either city, which would also be a unique experience. As luck would have it, I did just that. While exploring the Jewish Quarter of Paris, Sam and I ran across some Chabadniks and their portable sukkah. We entered the sukkah, where we said the prayers, shook the lulav, and ate some sweets.

The Sukkah in the Jewish Quarter of Paris

Throughout my time in the Jewish Quarter, I could not stop thinking about location. For instance, I thought about how as I was saying the prayers, countless other Jews throughout the world were doing the same thing. As we walked through the Judaica and book store, and I saw countless Hebrew texts translated into French, not English, I thought about how people all over the world use the same texts to pray, and yet each in their own way and own language. And as we ate kosher hamburgers in one of the restaurants, I thought to myself, "This is a good burger...but it's no Burger Bar (a great burger chain in Israel)." And I think the thing that really sticks out to me is that when we were talking with some of the French Jews who didn't know English, I was able to switch to Hebrew and we were able to continue our talks. I was both very much aware of my location, but also aware of how my Judaism can at the same time transcend location.

Thus it is clear that location was a key influence in my prayer experience for the 5773 chagim. At the end of it all, I look forward to new locations that I will encounter, and I hope to push myself further and discover more than I already have. Ultimately, though, I have to remember where I am, and take full advantage of what that means. My location is here: I am in Israel.

הנני